January 2006 Archives

Milk into Wine

| | Comments (20)

I realize I am a complete joke who puts no effort into this site anymore. But I don't care. I am going to have this website forever and will probably lose my first real job after college from posting something I shouldn't. And you will be there every step of the way because you love me like I love Anal Blacks.

A few weeks ago as I was starting on some laundry I came into contact with Jesus. He had crap all over him. Who puts furniture polish, The Best of Van Morrison CD, a workout video, and a hat with dreads coming from it onto Jesus? I think Satan had something to do with this. What a prick. I cleaned Jesus off and he helped me fold my panties. We hung out for the rest of the day catching up on old times and drinking some wine he made out of water-milk-shit-eww-how-can-anyone-drink-this. We got into a little argument over butt corn and he left the room screaming saying I am being erased from the book. But I know Jesus still loves me because when I was taking a sweet picture of myself in the mirror like all the cool kids do on Myspace I noticed Jesus was in the picture with me keeping me safe.

I guess I love humping broken chairs and socks I find on the ground. Quicktime is also quite homosexual. Here's a picture of my suitemate, Ryan. I puked here 20 seconds after taking this picture. If I order curly fried at Hardee's and pay $7 for a damn meal I should get what I ordered, right? Those slutbags stiffed me on curly fries. This is always interesting to take a picture of while pissing on my balls and dreaming of B's mustache and large rats in cages. Way to follow directions on the box. This was our tight christmas tree this year. I was taller than it. I really miss 1971. I think that about does it for pictures that belong nowhere else but here or in your butt juicer hole.

My room is small as it is but over the break I got tired of having to use my laptop on my bed. So I took the desk out of my brothers old room and inserted it with lubrication into mine. Beautiful! My step sister moved back in and I put the desk back. I did the same thing at school but I took the desk Mike used for his TV and shit and now I am a high roller. Speaking of nothing I got a new computer.

There's nothing like coming home to a fridge labeled with things like "Awesome Pizza".

On some nights I will come in pretty late and see a wallet on the kitchen table that isn't mine. I think nothing of it and go to bed. But one night I came in and there was a wallet, a watch, and a bag from CVS with prescription drugs in it named to no one that lives in the house. I think the new family is testing me to see if I am a thief. Here's what I see in my mind but have to fight off the urge because I am not a piece of shit son who steals shit from their family. [CLICK HERE - ANIMATION - 192KB]

I have become addicted to duct tape and if you remember I use it to fix all my clothing problems. This time it was my jacket(actually my brothers older one but he lives in Florida so shut up, Brandon). Huge tear under the right arm. No problem. Works for me.

So now to my new years. I knew I was going to be with atleast one kid I haven't hung out with in a while and is usually fun to get wasted with. But when they picked me up it ended up being four of my friends I used to talk to and hang out with in my early days of high school. I will refer to them as "The Website Club". Three of us still owning active domain names. Mine being the most 1337. We also played a lot of Counter-Strike back in the beta days. Anyway, I have time captioned the pictures taken not by me but two of my friends owning cameras. The 2nd to last two I took. Here they are:

Pregaming - I am already feeling great - Pants are already off(as soon as I got to kids house I put my foot in bath tub to get better keg filling stance but I didn't realize it was full of water) - Says 10:20PM but that puts us back at Chad's house. Either way I look happy there, too - I love you Justin Kearns - I think I am representing West Liberty here - I love you too Chad - I love you floor - The sweetest picture taken ever with Morgan. I am holding some bottle I took from a random party looking for Laurens house and it was almost 12 - Found Laurens house but when the ball dropped I was eating chicken wings, chugging wine, and stealing jello shots with Morgan - Cheers - Sober Ryan - HAHA - Lauren was cleaning up something and I liked the butt shot - Maybe she was cleaning off the floor when Justin's magical dog shit everywhere. This guy wanted to play the punching game. I won and made him cry

I had a fun new years in Morgantown with some old buddies of mine. Would love to do it again next year.

Last Wednesday all of the power in West Liberty went out from 6:00PM - 10:30PM. So the boys and I went down to Matt and B's apartment with 2 cases and a few flash lights. First thing we needed to do was keep the beer cold. Matt brought a good idea into play. [CLICK HERE - ANIMATION - 308KB]. We ate chips and butt corn, played poker, threw darts, played pool, looked at magazines, masturbated flashlights, ate the juice that poured from the flashlights head, and looked retarded. When the lights came back on we ate corndogs and watched Matt make his brother into an idiot.

I found a picture of people in my hall from the dorms last year. I forgot how damn sexy my RA was. So lovely, wet, and even attractive with bloody animals.

I don't know about you guys but I get sucked into Myspace so damn easily. I see one cute girl then I see she has 200 cute girl friends. An hour later I am still going from one to another looking at their pictures. I decided to save the best ones with the intentions to post them on my site. Here are some of my favorites. I know some of the people pictured but for the most part I just think they are beautiful... or have nice breasts.

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23

I don't know about you guys but I am pretty stiff.

How about them Steelers? I smell Super Bowl victory but am already tired of hearing that Jerome Bettis is finally going home to Detroit where he has only played once. Just shut the hell up and don't fumble slut.

I promise to post another one very soon. HAHAHAHA.

Poopy Butt

| | Comments (0)

I was going to postg today but instead I got wasted on Heineken at Mike Good's house fixing his computer and figuring out how to put video on Ipods for 4 hours. $50, 10 boneless kfc spoicy chicken wings, and all I can druink Heineken = better than your mommy.

Busy all day tomorrow. Mad huge post Sunday if your mom doesn't call.

P.S. I bought a new camera.