October 2004 Archives

PBS and Intoxication don't mix

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PBS and ME!!!!!!!!!!!!It was a Thursday at around 2pm when I started drinking. All my classes past 11:30am were cancelled because it was the day of a football game that started at 7:30pm. Here at West Virginia University we get out of class so we can spend money on alcohol and drink it all day. Why else would they designate a parking lot for students to drink beer right by the stadium? So all day I did my duties that my university tells me to do. By 8:30pm I was starting to get a hangover. Left at half time and got some more beer. It's the only way to cure a hangover, kids. So anyway, who are those scary looking people in that picture you ask? It goes something like this:

It's around 12:30am, I am walking with two of my boys from home to find a party on Grant Avenue with a Budweiser can in my sweatshirt pocket. I come across some people with nice camera equipment...

ME: Hey, what are you guys filming?
THEM: We are with PBS and doing a story on underage drinking in college and looking for some drunk people.
ME: Oh yeah?
PBS: Yeah, and thanks to you we did.

I then pull out my Budweiser can and crack it open so fast it starts to foam out. I chug it and slam it on the ground.

The cops I didn't even realize were there immediatly rushed to me and that was it. My one friend ran back like a little girl and the other slowly just vanished away. I was busted. The dude told me it was an insult to him to behave like that, and it was. He threatened me with all this shit to scare me and I really didn't care because I knew I was still going to get a ticket so this guy could meet his quota. I politely told him to do what he see's fit since he is the one in the uniform and I am the drunken idiot. He said he'd take it easy on me. I got the ticket and it said underage posession. He said just call the number on the back in the morning and it will be a fine. I'd get 90 days to pay it.

I went back and found PBS because I wanted to kill them. But instead they kept interviewing me and I loved it. I signed my life away and told them they could use all the footage on TV. Then I got their picture. Now I can't run for president. That tape will come up and I'll be labeled a drunk. OH NO!!!!

I am broke and have been for two weeks now. I ate 3/4th of pretty decent sized pumpkin candle and threw up last week for $23. I got to feed the kids somehow. I even tried to sell my $85 math book since I dropped the class but they wouldn't give me any money for it. So now I use it as a plate (thanks mary for the hot pockets, and giving me the key to a good smelling bed). I am on my own financially and know I don't have home or family to fall back on. I figured I could somehow come up with the cash. So I call, and the lady tells me that underage posession requires me to go to court on the day specified on the ticket. One kid got the same thing and it was $125 fine with 6 hours AA meetings and 6 hours community service. Another said it was just a $300 fine. Great. I'll find out November 16th when I go. I have a donate button for PayPal in the left under the navigation if you feel the need to help a poor white boy with a website out.

I hope I don't screw my life up end up smoking blunts everynight and selling $1 hotdogs on the street untl 4am like this guy, "The HotDog Man".

It's always cool to go to a party where people beat others with giant light bulbs that resemble badass lightsabers in the middle of the road.

Remember Master D from the post below? Well don't mess with him, his bodyguard is still in the mafia.

OK, I am going to go study. Then eat some leftover cafeteria food and clean my face with dirty boxers I found in the stairwell.

One last thing, check out Boris on Morris. He even has a beer named after him. I hope PBS names a beer after me. Those bastards.

Better start dancing now

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Master D - HollaI started to type out a story on how I know Master D and got his beats but I decided to not waste your time. So I am just going to let you download the 6 tracks he has made right now. I named all the songs what I thought they should have been because he never gave me any.

Play these tunes and drink some beer, smoke a blunt, or just touch yourself:

- Show Me Something - Has lyrics
- Galactic Buzz
- Bring It - Has lyrics
- Ocean Cruising
- TripnDance
- Beatage

Master D's people tell me secrets of a new release coming soon. Stay tuned, slut faces.

Ok, now what. I hate when I always type out my thoughts as if this was live. I also hate when I talk about hating me typing my thoughts out. You guys are confusing and this was a terrible attempt to be funny. But I am not going to make use of my backspace key and delete this because I feel like I have been typing so long. Did I mention my RA is cute? I think I have. I also think I played that out in my last post. She is a reader of this site now and I have nothing else to put except the photo of her I printed out 100 copies of and taped all over my dorm walls.

Well I did go to the beach with a few of my boys since my last post. It was just 4 of us. The water was cold but the sun was shining. It was fun playing in the beach and getting away from college. Everyone was older or retired. Lots of bingo, wrinkles, some free beer, and B's butt. Have a funny video of him saying electric flew through his butt as he is grabbing it in that picture. Sorry, inside joke, suck it up you babies. I decided to get out the video and upload it because I am cool. Here it is.

The beach was fun, not long enough. I for some reason thought it would be totally cool dudeish awesome to take pictures of the waves at 3am. I got useless shots and broke my $200 camera. It works if I take out the batteries, hit the reset button, then set all the preferences everytime I want to take pictures. I have $6 left to live on in college until Christmas break. Donate money to me or I will send the mangirl on you. That's right, I said it.

I have decided to never cut my hair again. I shower once a month and love long dirty hair. Oh yes. Is that a keg? I wouldn't remember.

Ok, I am tired now. I made a new layout to kick it up 3 and a half notches and just posted. Quit asking for so much from me.

I'll leave you guys with some fans, girls kissing, and a girl who likes clothed showers.