July 2004 Archives

What a great day

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Lotion, dumbassI had to wake up at 6:30am to go help my brother roof this guys house additions. We worked from 8am to about 3pm. It was alright, I took my shirt off to get some sun. Everything on my back side got burnt and everything on my front is still white. Then I had to work from 5pm until 10pm and this was the most miserable time of my life in a good while.

Then my boy James, the dirty slut in the paintball video decided he would help a brother out. Speaker badass foam party truck boy said I should get Solarcaine and spray it all over my sun burn. We get some and go into the break room and spray it. It cooled for a few seconds, but after a minute I was only high and had a numb tongue. Then we whipped out the Jergens lotion. This was the good shit. Extra moisturizing for extremely dry skin. I wasn't going to pay $10 for Aloe. I was just using the free stuff the grocery store had. So we go back, and I take my shirt off. James squirts a few drops on my back as I bend over the table. As we are laughing and saying all this totally straight but think it's funny to play with lotion while on the clock, we hear someone in the mens bathroom. We sounded so homosexual and were just doing it for laughs because we were high from that Solarcaine. Well I was, James may have liked it because he won't quit blowing me kisses. The guy walked out laughing and said he would have rather not have heard that while pooing in the toilet. Then a female co-worker comes in and tells James he is doing it all wrong. She starts rubbing lotion on my back, too. OK, I thought I could give this story a good ending, but I can't. My back still hurts very bad and I got off work 10 minutes early. Screw you.

So I come home to just relax and see a nice message on my away message:

*Screen Name Hidden* (8:55:49 PM): if u do not stop people from saying that shit about me on ur website i will sue the shit out of u
*Screen Name Hidden* signed off at 8:55:53 PM.

How wonderful.

Then I get another:

GU****OSES22 (10:44:37 PM): fuck you, your going to die
GU****OSES22 signed off at 10:44:37 PM.

So very delightful.

Society is dwindling down to a bunch of damn jokes. Because my day has been so shitty, you get a worthless post.

James and Diane, give me a call later if you aren't trying to sue or kill me. Joann, you can call me, too. I know you wanted to get the lotion out also.

I'm a master-baiter

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What a bad idea.We got a paintball game going on Wednesday with some guys from work. It ended up only being 3 on 3 which is alright if the people are offensive players. We played for a few hours, I only got hit in my arms and feet, which aren't kill shots. My team never lost and it was fun shooting them, but boring becase they weren't a challenge. So lets get to the bloody nipple shot you see to the left. James, a kid on my team, decided it would be cool to shoot eachother from a pretty close range since we didn't get much action in our gameplay. I agreed. James went first. View his video. I hit his damn hand and he fell over. We agreed, one shot, you miss too bad. So it was my turn. You probably already know what happens. View my video. The hit area is larger than my nipple. And that area is tender. It hurt, still hurts, and I probably have breast cancer. James let me shoot him again. After squirming/screaming/crying for 3 minutes I skimmed his side. I suck.

We got into a fishing mood for like a week. I went two nights. First night sucked because no one got any bites. Second night sucked, until I caught this bad boy. He was 10 pounds and 30 inches long. Yeah, I am awesome.

I am not taking as many pictures as I used to. But I am getting good at covering up pictures I take. For example: After a good night of partying, I spilled my Hardee's drink all over myself, the person next to me, and the vehicle. I took a picture of myself, and forgot it was going to make a bright flash that everyone would see. So I quickly said lets take pictures of everyone. And I know most everyone loves a picture. So I took a picture of everyone in the car and they soon forgot about that first picture I took. Genius, I know.

My grandfather just notified me that his van that I drive to work may break down. I forget the problem he said it has but if this one small thing goes out it controls the rest of the car. I'll take the camera with me, and some lube if I get bored on the side of the interstate.

Phantom FireworksI now hate every holiday that requires eating or drinking anything. Yesterday was the 4th of July, and I had to work until 9pm and then didn't go out until 11:30pm, missing the fireworks. I had to work 3 days prior to the 4th, too. I figured I would get more tips being that I carry out groceries for the customers. It seems people get more prick around holidays. I try to be nice, but some of the people are total cunts. One lady gave me $5. She thanked me for having a good attitude, as we both heard the local fireworks show going off. I love work!

My brother and I found ourselves at Phantom Fireworks a few weeks ago. We got a catalog in the mail, and just decided to go. When we arrived, I shit my pants. Six times. This place looked like a small Wal-Mart. After looking around and rubbing my penis on all the fireworks, we purchased the Iwo Jima assortment for $180. It was buy on get one free, so we got 2, split the price, and loaded the car up.

Kids, get a pistol bb gun, the ladies love it. That is all I have to say about that.

I don't know if I ever mentioned it but my mom pretty much stopped buying us groceries. I found it ironic that when I got food and was putting it in the freezer, that my mom is marking her food off. I can play that game, too.

Any of you guys seen those new AOL greetings? It is weird how they appear and take over your computer. Only users of AOL can make them, but AIM users like myself can receive them. I think it gave me herpes of the mouth.

I got a new cell phone last month, and already broke it. I set it down at a friends house, came back an hour later and it was broken. I don't know if I did it or some eater of ass hole did. Me living in the ghetto and all, got it fixed with only a minor squeeling noise. I carved a hole in the side, and glued a cut nail onto the screen. The phone costs $150, and I'll be damned if I spend that.

I am going to go clip my fingernails now. Goodbye.