Holy shit eating crapface that is buttcornalicious.

Made my fourth appearance to Charleston, WV for the Division II WVIAC basketball tournament. The girls lost before I even got there and the men got beat in their 2nd game.

One thing that upset us was the fact that they didn't sell beer at the civic center due to WVIAC voting against it or something incredibly un-righteous, dude. We derived a simple solution to the problem at hand: buy a soda/pop/buttcorn, drink it, and make sure you sneak in enough drinks for you and friends. Optionally, you can bring a trash bag, if you got love for the janitorial staff.

We attempted another beeramid. It was very promising and I'd say we went through 10 cases of Nastty Light but people were in and out and didn't always bring their cans back. My man Reid contributed a lot when he wasn't passed out.

The picture to the left pretty much sums of what I have been up to - started my second to last semester of college, got an internship at the global operations center for a law firm making $10 an hour while earning 3 credits for school, and still working at Riesbeck's bagging up those groceries on Sundays. Speaking of school, here's my Fall 2007 grades. 3.33, baby!

I have some really bad news: Buttcorn has been discontinued due to it causing Pin Worms. In the small print on the back of the can there was a disclaimer talking about possible side-effects, so no one involved in manufacturing the marvelous product can be held liable. Regretfully, I got a severe case of it and had to find treatment. The doctors just laughed at me when I told them my itchy anus and diarrhea were caused by buttcorn pinwormization - so I was forced to find alternate pinworm removing options. It was thick and tasty, kinda like buttcorn. I sure did lick that badboy clean.

I always have the problem of not wanting to type and you never read so here's my usual solution: my pretty sweet cubicle at my internship, basement computing, B's new friend, B's snot and/or puke due to buttcorn overdosage, B and I after we blew some place up?, the coolest Christmas tree in town, Dominos is looking for dome - apply within, my fast downloading, ghetto stand SNES playage, black McGraw, I guess I was wasted, Laura's wonderland, some good pizza, meatspin world record holder, passed out neck pain, homecoming, retard in the back, first anniversary, mike chugging with added celebration, piss-writing, sharkey hurt my gator...

Went to Cedar Point for the first time a few weeks ago. Definitely a sweet roller coaster experience with some pretty sick rides. I went with Courtney, Matt and Becky. None of us being rich, I found the cheapest priced motel close to the park where we would spend two glorious nights. The Mecca Motel Resort & Dream Land. Fully equipped with an air conditioning, bathroom mirrors with possible hidden wonders, bed sheets with no elastic-band-thingy that holds the sheet to the mattress, continental breakfast, ultra-secure door locks with numerous dead bolts and chains, the greatest miniature golf that we never got to play, a swimming pool with excessive crud in it that we didn't pay extra for because we are rebels when we chug buttcorn too fast, small person friendly shower, an awesome view of the course, it said free HBO but all I could find was fuzzy Regis and Kelly. We learned that you get what you pay for except when it comes to buttcorn. Good thing we came prepaired and had a bible to protect us. I made a little brochure for the Mecca Motel but forgot to mention the train tracks 100 yards away where trains enjoy passing and tooting every 10-15 minutes.

Since we last chatted... or actually, since I last typed and you didn't read and just clicked random picture links I attended two Pittsburgh Pirates Games. Both games the Bucs won and had a scheduled fireworks display after the game. First game I went with these guys, ate some enjoyable wings with my boy, saw McNeil and Meagan, and chilled in McNeils seats. Here's a couple shots of the field from the first game. Here are eight pictures of the fireworks from PNC Park, yeah that is right I am showing you eight pictures of PNC Park fireworks night. PNC Park Fireworks display baseball pirates. Yeah, I did that for search engine purposes I think. Oh yeah, Crosby sucked me but I was the only one able to take the pic and it didn't work out very well.

I don't remember specific dates of each happening so shut up and just click the links without reading like you always do, looking for buttcorn sluts.

We went to a pretty cool bar in Little Haiti owned by a very nice Cuban man. Jay got hammered and tried to rob this one dude but they just danced instead.

Man, I wasted three years of my life going to a real college. If only I got this email my senior year of high school... A work/life experience degree in just two weeks with NO STUDYING!!! I'd be making millions right now instead of drinking buttcorn with my girlfriend and telling you about it! Hey princess, I bought you a case of buttcorn for the weekend. *Online Kiss*

I'm too scared to call that number, they might trick me into something I'd regret, like chugging buttcorn, dude. Or I am just lazy and one of you should call, record it, and send it to me. Or you can just read this and shut up and read this, too, while I call you a stupid slutface. You're still reading and I am still watching Chris stick his finger into your butt looking for some cornage. You have a prettybutt, though. Grade A+ RBC that is.

You probably think I am lying or believe me completely... but I have nothing better to talk about besides buttcorn.

I try a lot to talk about other things like where I am sending my FAFSA but I just delete them and put up new Recycled buttcorn ads. Oh that is kinda cute with a hint of sexy... WHAT?! buttcorn, ButtCorn, and new BUTTCORN chewables!!!!

I'm going to Charleston, WV for the WVIAC Division II basketball tournaments tomorrow until Sunday. I will be sure to chug buttcorn and take numerous pictures of it.

I will get to that picture you see on the left in a little bit; that is from the end of the journey NP Laura and I partook in. If you still read my shit, then you know about the marijuana field found close by us North Park dwellers. If you don't remember and care, I talked about it in this post somewhere in the middle. Laura and I woke up before 3PM for this journey and that shows we... The ToddMorrison.com I-Team Investigations decided to check out where we believed the totally illegal plants were growing. I took a bunch of pictures of nothing to seem important and feel apart of my I-Team Investigations team. This is the first time they let me tag along on an ultra-mission. But I shit a grenade in my pants and had to whipe with a stick and they made me go home and sit on my computer and wait. Laura stepped in a puddle that triggered a stick pooper shooter 350z arrow.

"It was only 6:23PM and getting darker as the ToddMorrison.com I-Team Investigators stumbled onto what everyone is calling the biggest crop of dirty grass ever supplied in the history of the mean streets of Wheeling, West Virginia. The pictures do not show much but no one really cares about some loose hay covering up fresh dirt. We couldn't get a direct quote from owner Todd Morrison but it sure did smell like shitnades in the area."

- Peter Thampton - MSNBCCC News Correspondent

I haven't posted because:

1.) I got a new laptop from woot.com and have been slowingly not typing real words on my website AKA just playing Scarface - The World is Yours, NHL 07, NBA Live 07, FIFA 07, Madden 07, and Counter-Strike: Source on the 10 pound laptop equipped with an XBOX 360 controller. Here are some pictures of my old and new laptop because I know you are so curious, slutface. Did I mention that I am addicted to woot.com? Add 5 more boxes to this picture since it was taken a month ago.

2.) Recently met a cute girl with soft lips that can't burp and doesn't like buttcorn but she's still pretty damn sweet. Thousands of nudie pictures of us are now in the ToddMorrison.com Uncensored section. Ofcourse, it is going to cost you $25 a month for membership to that section.

3.) WVU lost to Louisville but hopefully basketball season will create riots that I won't be able to videotape. But someone told me they are going to suck this year so I am just going to cry and eat shit. (It's now November 26th and I think WVU basketball is 3-0)

Todd: Here is my post.
You: (while fingering your butt for some corn) Dude, this isn't a real post.
Todd: Why not?
You: (while eating a crispy buttcorn dingleberry¹) You don't have any links to pictures...
Todd: Oh, my bad.
You: You also don't have a main picture for your post like you always do.
Todd: I knew I forgot something:

dingleberry¹ - A delinquent partial turd which grasps anal shrubery causing brownish crust to accumulate in ones underwear.

My boy Dietz hit me up on the celly and I said "back" as my ending phone call saying instead of "one". "One" was totally played out before white kids even started saying it. Trust me. Oh yeah, before I backed he invited me to a Steelers game due to me being awesome and him having four tickets with cancelled original plans. Here are a few pictures in addition to the one to the left of your right eye. Beer was expensive but delicious, crack heads who like RAZR phones and have a kid and lose their phone are interesting to chat with while he buys your boy a beer, Dietz is the man, game was fun but preseason, Steeler's won, forget who they played, had a good time.

Officials hope the park will rival that of Kennywood Park, which began business in 1898 as a trolley park in West Mifflin, Pa., and evolved into the Pittsburgh-area's leading amusement park.

I have a huge post lined up but it's the last day of the month and I have to work at 4PM today so your getting this instead.

I didn't believe it when I heard about this theme park coming close to the area. Then I see it on the news and hear all this shit. The night I saw it on the news I wanted to see the blue prints for it and stuff and looked for a website. I found this one. The website is horribly designed and all the plans/things to be made are drawn in a cartoony format.

I decided to investigate the website and see who its owners were. If you go here you can do a search of the domain. The domain is registered by Domains by Proxy, Inc. Here's what the main page of DomainsByProxy.com says:

The lcd screen on my most recent camera that was around $120 broke. I bought a cheaper one that time knowing it was going to break because I suck and can't afford $300 ones weekly. I just bought a refurbished Olympus from eBay for $150, I think. I keep forgetting to put it in my pocket because my last camera has been broke since summer started. I am telling you this because this post is lacking personal pictures due to forgetting my camera or spending too much of my time searching the internet for my mangirl.

Everyone has been watching the World Cup and talking about Ronaldo and Ronaldinho and everyone else I don't feel like looking up their names for the correct spelling. While I am home for the summer I have basic cable, not extended basic like everyone else gets who doesn't already have digital cable/satellite. That means I get channels 2 - 25. I magically get channels 43 - 56 and some other odd ending channels. ESPN is in the 30's so I am not fortunate enough to get to watch any of the games. NO ESPN!? You ask. Yeah no ESPN, and a gay dad; no wonder why I know nothing about the 1989 World Series or who Dan Marino's first interception went to. I think sometimes games are on ABC but I don't care, slut. So to compensate and feel like I fit in, I go online and look at pictures of girls in team apparel.

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The past few years my birthdays just have not been like I wished they were. Somestimes a complete let down, other times just a wtf? who cares it is only a day I was born go back to work I want to sleep all day. Last year I completely forgot it was my birthday until later that night when it hit me while driving with a friend. But not this year, this year I had Facebook on my side. No longer do I have to sign onto AOL Instant Messenger and put "Today is my birthday" and see how many people wish me a happy one. Thanks to Facebooks awesome email announcements as soon as I dialed up to my grandfather's internet account I was delighted with fulfilling emails saying people have written on my wall.

I do believe this is my first birthday while being an addicted nothing-else-to-do facebooker for life. I have seen other people go through birthdays on facebook, but nothing is more totally-insta-awesome like seeing my wall posts jump from 30 some to a whopping 59. I can never be that cool again until next year. THANK YOU FACEBOOK!!!

For my birthday I also added google ads. I am not allowed to tell you to click them for that will make me a few cents, and I also cannot tell you to click that Download Google Pack thing because I get $2 if you do dowload it for the first time. The ads are mostly about toilets because I told them I poop 23 times a day and they agreed to let me advertise with them because pooping is cool or something. I don't do it because it is cool, I do it because I love the rush. When it comes down to it, I just think they just like my recycled butt corn.

And oh yeah, if you don't remember this then read it.

Finally a word on what was up:

Date: Tuesday, May 16, 2006 12:24 PM
Name: Glynis
Email Address: gl***s_****rd@hotmail.com
URL:
Comments:

Yeah, that story was kind of a flop, if you know what I mean. I don't think it ever really got off the shelf. I'm the mean boom-op for PBS who was drug to the infamous Grant Ave. against my will and my better judgment. You were, however, a great subject. :) Shooting Morantown at night, though, is tricky and our camera equipment wasn't up to par--even if it did look fancy. Good luck with your campaign.

First, you sluts owe me about $300 to cover the ticket charge and AA meetings I had to go to. I remember I had to close my savings account to pay for that underage ticket shit. Then I had to fold up envelopes and sweep the streets of Morgantown for hours. All of this for you and your video that never came out of the damn camera. That girl in the picture probably ate it she was scary and you are scared of her because she bit your leg once. Second, I remember saying First, send me a copy of that shit so I can not feel so used; I wore a penis suite to a football game once and no one even has the video from that. I can't live life this way, man. Third, if I pointed the arrow to the right person(you), then you look like the nice man massaging my anal tubulator not the scary boom mic man. Or that might have been the scary girl I just got a crush on 24 seconds ago. She is def checking me out there. I got her number later that night. Anyway I hate you, but love you for the follow up comment; my life has been standing still watching PBS waiting for my one moment of glory. I can now piss on fresh laundry again with ease. Thank you, Glynis.

The Man of the Year award has to go out to my boy Mike McNeil. This isn't official but I do believe since December 2005 he has made over $300,000 just in online poker. He just got back from an all expense paid trip to Vegas he won from Ultimate Bet. It was a $25,000 buy in World Series of Poker Tournament. He placed 30 something out of 600 or so and won $70,000 some. Pretty damn tight.

So what does Mike do with all this fun money he has been making? Lets start off by buying 4 tickets to the 1st and 2nd rounds of the NCAA Division I basketball tournament in Auburn Hills, Michigan to watch your Mountaineers beat some ass. I got a video from one of the games. [WATCH IT - 1.17MB]. The Palace of Auburn Hills is awesome. I have never been to an NBA game or even stepped foot in a stadium. I have also never eaten dinner at 7PM in a hotel while waiting on reservations at Benihana at 9PM. Yeah, we all got delicious steak dinners at 7PM except for Mike, he got a salad. 9PM comes around and we get into the Embassy bus with a crackhead driver who has no idea what is going on or where Benihana is. We arrive with full stomachs and order more filet mignon and watch it be prepared in front of us.

When there were no games going on we'd chill in the nice Embassy hotel and relax, sometimes fighting, eating microwave pizza, fighting more, drinking wine, fighting some more, and some more.

For the record, Michigan sucks for 3 reasons: Michigan U-Turns are retarded, the bottled water needs to be a bit bigger for $1.50, and having to pay 10 cents extra per can or bottle to compensate for the can/bottle return of 10 cents sucks. But it is nice that when you have to go pee you can play frisbee with the gas station bathroom key. McNeil later went to Atlanta, Georgia to watch WVU play again, but they lost. No elite 8 this year... I was in Morgantown that night and there was only one fire and a quarter nipple. [WATCH A VIDEO - 1.71MB]

McNeil bought 4 tickets on ebay for the Pirates home opener. I have been to Pirate games but these seats were pretty tight. Yeah they were already sucking then and still are but it was nice to go. I don't feel like typing so here's the pictures: The boys - PNC Park - View 1 - View 2 - View 3 - View 4 - View 5 - Field 1 - Field 2 - Field 3 - Crackhead - Crackhead Rock. [WATCH A VIDEO - 2.98MB]

I am trying to make mad money gambling like McNeil but not with that bullshit online crap. I went straight to where the big money is made... Fun Times. Yeah they give those warnings just so you get scared and don't win millions. B led the way in to the palace of greatness. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! It's just like Vegas! I lost $5... but got a bag of chips and some mints. Way better than 300 G's. Better take notes McNeil.

My tight Easter basket - Dump looking happy - B DUIEing - driving under the influence of egg. How to make blisters not blister again - I am ready for summer.

Kids, don't eat the green corn poop. Stick to Bangzees Recycled shit. Chris recommends 6 servings a day, sales are a bit slow so eat up.

UPDATE: I just realized I am getting mad traffic because I am awesome.

I guess I will jump right into explaining the picture you see to the left. Everything seems normal, right? Just a few guys enjoying some cold ones and posing for a picture. But does anything pop out at you? If not, lets check out a better detailed picture. This guy doesn't have shit on Wayne.

Now that the mood is set with bulginess I will start from the beginning. We left at around 12:30PM on Wednesday to get to Charleston, WV in time to see the girls play at 3PM. They won the first round and that meant the party would continue on until atleast Friday.

After spending too many seconds trying to figure out how to organize all this shit I realized it is too hard to put in order so shut up and read whatever I type, eater of buttcorn.

I am not sure what night it was, how much we had been drinking, or what was going on, but Fahey and I decided to shoot some 3's at the Subway halftime 3 point shoot out for $1 a shot. If you make it you get a free foot long sub and if not you get a buy one get one free. The first time we both shot airballs. While walking back I was pissed that I didn't even hit rim so I took the ball from some little girls who were 5 times better than me and shot another airball. After analyzing our suckiness we realized it was a girls ball and we were shooting like it was a foul shot. We went back down again for another round, this time with video footage. It's small and hard to see but you can't miss my beautiful, free foot long sub three pointer. [WATCH THE VIDEO - 1.92MB] B was so impressed that throughout the night he would just wake up and scream shit. I am so awesome, but nowhere near as awesome as Wayne's bulge. Damnit maybe one day.

One of the days B clogged the toilet, for the 2nd time, and not with armpit juice. Since he didn't want to have to call poop maintenance again he tried to fix it with a hanger (I wasn't sure if hanger was with an ar or er so I googled it. I never thought someone would start a website business selling hangers. I figured I'd share that with you in case you were looking for some new closet accessories, hangerinyourbuttslut). There seemed to be no hole at the bottom of the shitter and even with assistance nothing was working. I also took video of it when it started overflowing. If you look quick you get an extra treat of buttcrack. [WATCH THE VIDEO - 755KB]. B was a little stressed out about the whole thing... he had clogged the toilet 2 times in less than 24 hours and had buttpains from the extreme amounts of content that just flew through him, so he went to the lobby to play some tunes on the piano. Good thing there isn't a hole on a piano that can clog.

We had four guys in our room. Already mentioned are B, Fahey, and Me. The 4th guy was my good man Chris. You might remember him from the post below as the buttcorn scout. He took a few days off from buttcorning to hang out with us. That is the only picture I have of Chris from the trip. I do have a recording of him snoring, though. Magnify the sound you hear by 3, and span it out for 8 hours. [WATCH THE VIDEO - 189KB] Chris, lay off the buttcorn it is messing with your nightly nose noises, slutball.

On Friday pretty much everyone left since both our teams had lost. But a few stayed and some indoor baseball with a mini football took place later that night. I was wasted and tired and that is the only picture I took, but I also got another video for you. [WATCH THE VIDEO - 1.35MB]. Thursday night, after drinking some 99 cent 22's, we decided to sign the football that Fahey and I found by the civic center used to play indoor baseball. It could be sold on eBay for millions if also signed by the big hitter. Joe Nolan says he talks to the great Leighann all the time and has had her sign his chest 5 times already. It might be too good to be true to have her sign the ball, or just stupid and funny when you are wasted, and I forgot where I was going with this sentence so I will just put it in Wayne's pants and shut up.

Saturday night, our last night in Charleston when everyone else left, I got really wasted on free open bar and passed out by 11:30PM.

One day I was taking a dump and looking over my financial aid papers because I was tired of looking at the same Maxim's covered in piss everytime. It was time to wipe and I noticed we were out of toilet paper. No, none there either. So me being a genius, I decided to use the financial aid papers to get a temporary clean. I didn't realize they wouldn't flush so I had to scoop them out. Yes, I scooped with poopybutt, but finished off the wipe with my underwear and disposed of it properly. For those of you with a poop picture fetish, don't worry, I am here for you. Some good times have been had in those underwears, but sometimes a pair has to take one for the team. Where's Fahey when you need him?

Now for some random pictures that I can't put into a paragraph:

One hand man, first picture I took with my newest camera, what do you notice first... nintendo on both tv's or tan buttcrack? There was a tight full rainbow outside and I tried to put the 2 together (Back off, I have a gay dad and I am allowed to talk about rainbows). B and Joe, me bent over in girl shoes, my brother and Newt Gingrich, my brother and Steve Forbes.

As soon as I got to West Liberty they got Facebook weeks later. I let that one slide and didn't push for the credit of being awesome. But do you guys remember my email I sent to Cingular? Well I got an email back, and oh wow look West Liberty has Cingular service now. Coincidence? Never.

Last thing. Someone has made a myspace.com account as me and I think it is pretty damn funny. I even have 10 friends and a user comment. Woo!